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31 July 2006 @ 03:59 pm
BtVS fic: "Baggage", Buffy/Angelus, rated T  
Title: Baggage
Author: Sionnain
Fandom: BtVS. Set post Season 7. Likely AU as this isn't taking Angel: The Series into consideration.
Pairing: Buffy/Angelus
Rating: T
Summary: She goes to him after she defeats the First. It's appropriate. He was hers.

AN: My very first Buffy-fic, sort of. As in, this is not a cross-over. Thanks to kaz814 for the beta! Cross-posted to hateful_beloved, a very new community I made for Buffy/Angelus fic. Please stop by and join if you're interested in the pairing! It's still under construction, so to speak, but I'm working on it :)

Um...I'm nervous. Feedback would be love. *is nervous* New Fandom Angst, and all that. O.o



Baggage

She falls asleep on the plane and dreams about Sunnydale. Which sucks.

In her nightmare (what else could it be?), it’s like she’s there again. The pit, the smell of fear and desperation and too many people dependent on her for survival, and the First’s mocking laughter as she fights. Pain and people dying, a sight she’s really sick of.

Buffy sees Spike smiling at her, laughing as everything falls to dust around him. She remembers Xander when he learned of Anya’s fate, his face shadowed by sadness and accusations he’d never speak. Andrew’s guilt in staying alive. Her own relief at Dawn’s safety, and feeling guilty that she’s relieved while Xander mourns.

The sight of the Hellmouth devouring its own, collapsing into darkness.

She wakes with a small gasp, glad no one notices her sudden movement. Her face is pressed against the hard plastic of the plane’s interior, and for a moment she’s disoriented. The cabin is dark and most of her fellow passengers are sleeping, lulled by the constant noise and relatively smooth flight.

Buffy leans back and takes a few deep breaths, staring at the patterned seat ahead of her. She wonders what would happen if the plane crashes. There would be no body for anyone to revive, for one thing. She’d be well and truly dead, beyond the reach of even Willow’s magic.

She refuses to think about why that’s such a relief, though she doubts anyone would fault her for not wanting to crawl out of her own grave again. Instead, she flips on her overhead light and opens the complimentary magazine, eyes scanning the page, and doesn’t read a single word.

The pilot announces their descent, and she flips open the shade and looks down at the lights of the city, sparkling like stars beneath her.

* * *
Angelus meets her at the airport, waiting in the baggage claim.

He’s standing in the back by the doors, skin deathly pale in the cold fluorescent light and dressed in his usual black. A few people give him a cursory glance, which could be because he’s handsome or could be because he’s so obviously frightening. He doesn’t look at her or otherwise acknowledge her existence as she waits for her luggage to arrive on the carousel.

There’s a young couple next to her, kissing and clinging to each other with the sort of desperation that makes her kind of want to puke. Buffy tries not to roll her eyes and leans in, saying “Excuse me,” in a tight voice, reaching out for her luggage as it passes. Ugh. Traveling is horrible enough without happy people around making it even worse.

“Sorry,” the girl murmurs, not sounding sorry at all. “You know how love is.” The couple grins at each other, their eyes bright despite the late hour.

Buffy turns as she feels Angelus’ eyes on her. “Yeah,” she says, pulling her suitcase off the metal carousel and shouldering her carry-on bag. She’s tired and the luggage is a bit of strain, though she’s strong enough that it shouldn’t be. It’s annoying and kills people. Now move it.

She walks up to Angelus and they regard each other solemnly, like generals meeting before a battle. He doesn’t say hello or ask her how her flight was. Instead, he reaches out and takes her luggage, though with a mocking sort of smile as if he’s doing it just to annoy her.

Which he probably is.

The young couple is blocking the door, luggage strewn around their feet, kissing again as if the thought of going out the automatic doors without being permanently attached to each other’s face is just too horrible to contemplate.

“Excuse us,” Angelus says, and there’s something in his voice that makes Buffy shiver, not entirely from fear. The couple breaks apart slowly, turning towards them.

“Oh…sorry,” the guy says, and he sounds drunk. “We’re just so happy.” He twirls his companion around, arms around the girl’s waist. Buffy taps her foot impatiently and wonders just how bad it would be to let Angelus drag them off into the parking garage.

Sorry. You know how love is. My evil boyfriend needs to eat, too.

Angelus smiles and nods towards the door. The couple moves hastily out of the way, obviously seeing something dangerous in Angelus’ expression. Buffy feels a bizarre urge to laugh, but she doesn’t. She follows Angelus out into the hot, sticky air, turning her face up to the darkness.

* * *
When they get home, he fucks her hard against the wall, growling, his teeth scraping over the pulse-point at her neck. He dumps her luggage in the hallway. It’s sort of like the couple in the baggage claim, but not really, not where it matters.

Buffy remembers the thousand small annoyances of traveling; the woman in front of her at the ticket counter, arguing about a reservation no one could find. The slow service at the food court which nearly made her miss her flight—why do some people have such problems making up their minds about something as lame as value meals at Burger King? The crying baby in the gate, the people who took up all the room in the overhead bins, the stale air of the plane. All her tension slides away and it’s brutal and hot and better than anything and it’s the worst thing she could do, but she doesn’t care anymore.

Her nails rake hard down his back, twist in his hair. It feels good just to give in, just to let go. She cries out when she comes and he laughs his cruel laugh, biting her shoulder so that she feels the press of his incisors on her skin.

He doesn’t break the skin—it’s a rule they have—but sometimes she wants him to. Her fingers curl over his chest, where his heart should be, feeling nothing but emptiness beneath. He’s immortal, but she could kill him. He’s dead, but he could give her eternal life. Oh, irony.

“I’ll never love you,” he whispers in her ear, pressing a kiss on the sweat-dampened skin of her neck. Her face is pressed against his shoulder, his hand still tangled in her hair.

Like the thought of the plane crashing, hearing this is a relief. She smiles against the fabric of his shirt, smoothes her hands over his back in a mockery of affection. “I know.”

* * *

Later she goes into the darkened kitchen and opens his fridge, empty except for a bottle of juice. She looks at it curiously—it looks like grapefruit juice—and picks it up. “What’s this here for?”

He’s leaning against the counter, watching her. “For you,” he says with a shrug. His expression is inscrutable.

Buffy stares at the bottle before taking it out, searching through the cabinets for a glass. She’s not sure why it bothers her, other than maybe it reminds her a little too much of Spike before he got his soul back.

She doesn’t want that. She wants Angelus, who’s fucking her but would probably like killing her just as much. It’s just that after the First, she needs something uncomplicated. It’s scary to think that sleeping with Angelus is uncomplicated. It’s just that when you’re the slayer, you have very few options in the way of potential dates.

“Juice, Buff. It’s not poisoned.” He smiles at her. There’s a shadow of Angel in the curve of his mouth, but enough of Angelus to make her forget it’s there. “Maybe.”

She rolls her eyes and pours herself a glass. The juice is tart and cold, and she drinks it thirstily, then follows it up with another glass. “Thanks.” Just because he’s evil doesn’t mean she can’t have manners.

He walks over to her, predator-like, and backs her up against the wall. He leans down and licks at her lips, hands tight at her waist. “You’d taste better with something else on your mouth,” he says. His voice is pitched low enough that the hairs rise on the back of her neck.

She drops her glass and it shatters on the floor, broken shards scattering over cold concrete. It’s nice to break things and not have to worry about fixing them.

* * *
She lays next to him in the dark, wondering why he’s doing this. She knows why she’s here, but has no idea why he does this with her, why he wants it.

They could try and take each other out at any moment. He’s still a killer without a soul, and she’s supposed to be the thing that stops him. While she’s never made the most sensible choices in regards to her love-life, it’s never been quite this demented. With everyone else, no matter who they were, there was something there that made it almost okay. Angel had a soul. Riley was a human. Spike couldn’t kill.

There’s no excuse for this.

“You think too much,” he says, hands beneath his head. He’s still as death, but then again, he’s dead. It’s still creepy to sleep next to someone who doesn’t breathe, though.

“I don’t think enough,” she says, turning to look at him. “Or I wouldn’t be here with you.”

He smirks at her. “Buff, if I wanted you dead, I’d have already killed you.”

That raises her ire, as he must have known it would. “Ditto,” she snaps, but ruins the effect by yawning. “This is crazy. Isn’t it?”

“It is what it is. Go to sleep.” He turns his back on her, which is dangerous, and maybe that’s why he does it. Maybe she’s not the only one that likes the lure of things that could kill in the dark.

She presses her face to his back, inhaling his scent. It’s Angelus she’s sleeping with, and if she dreams about Angel, he need never know. He’ll wake her later with his teeth on her neck and his hands between her legs, and it won’t be Angel she’s thinking about.
 
 
always been so: : anxiousanxious
 
 
 
Ariel: AtS - lindsey-lost perspectivelodessa on July 31st, 2006 09:28 pm (UTC)
She’s not sure why it bothers her, other than maybe it reminds her a little too much of Spike before he got his soul back.

Oh Buffy... if you wander from your own verse into Angel-verse you are going to get so much grey area it will maybe your head spin.
inathunderstorm on July 31st, 2006 09:29 pm (UTC)
See, I'm worried because I just started watching Angel! I just want to write Angelus/Buffy, though, so hopefully the fact I'm still on Angel Season 1 doesn't Joss this too bad? *chews nails*
Ariellodessa on July 31st, 2006 09:31 pm (UTC)
I still haven't seen season 5 but I'm pretty sure it does but who cares... I mean anything CAN happen after season 5 right?

Just probably she couldn't do it directly after Chosen
inathunderstorm on July 31st, 2006 09:35 pm (UTC)
It's not :) The timeline is post-Season 7 but it's vague as to when it is :)
Ariel: firefly-lil' kayleelodessa on July 31st, 2006 09:37 pm (UTC)
As far as I know the finale for Angel is pretty inconclusive so I think you're safe then.


I should really get to watching that last season and a half.
inathunderstorm on July 31st, 2006 09:38 pm (UTC)
well, i'm not too worried. I think X-Men and my love of AU and alternate-verses and timelines makes me go, "Eh, it could happen eventually."
Ariellodessa on July 31st, 2006 09:39 pm (UTC)
Indeed. Buffy's died twice and is still around so you know... anything is possbile
I've got freedom, I've got second sight: fallenkethlenda on July 31st, 2006 09:37 pm (UTC)
I WANT TO READ THIS BUT I'M ONLY ON SEASON THREE, WOE.
inathunderstorm on August 1st, 2006 03:35 am (UTC)
MWAHAHAHA!!

Actually, my favorite moment of Buffy EVAR is from Season 2. It's that "I Only Have Eyes for You," moment where Buffy and Angel kiss, becuase they think they're those ghosts? Then they come back to themselves, they stare at each other, and Angelus gives her this "I want to fuck you but I should kill you," look of HATE and WANT and GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH.

Inell: Faith: Prettyinell on July 31st, 2006 09:42 pm (UTC)
This was good. You might want to slap up an "AU Angel season 6" type thing as Season 5 ended on a O_O and such, just to avoid those annoying "OMG this so didn't happen at end of Angel!" whiners. Buffy/Angel has quite a few of those.

I liked Buffy's state of mind and the dynamic you created.
inathunderstorm on July 31st, 2006 09:43 pm (UTC)
Ahh. Yes, I'm only on Angel Season 1. I realize that many people don't have the nice timelines and AUs of X-Men. *g*

Inell: Avonleainell on July 31st, 2006 09:45 pm (UTC)
A lot of Buffy/Angel fandom could care less. I rarely bothered to slap AU cause, dude. It's kinda obvious? But I've seen some people get really horrible about it, especially these days with more focused fandom. I started when fandom was like two websites and gen fic was most popular! o_O Now, it's much bigger, though a bit dying so you may not have to worry about wanky bitches. *grin*
inathunderstorm on July 31st, 2006 09:48 pm (UTC)
I went and added a little AU thing on there, saying it wasn't taking Angel into consideration.

*scurries back to X-Men* New Fandoms that are Large scare me. *g*

Thanks for reading though! *hugs*
Jess: Bunnies!willowaus on July 31st, 2006 10:05 pm (UTC)
Mmmm...Buffy/Angelus is just so wonderfully hot and wrong.

He’s immortal, but she could kill him. He’s dead, but he could give her eternal life. This is probably my favorite line because it tells so much about the two of them.

Loved, anxious for more.

inathunderstorm on July 31st, 2006 10:06 pm (UTC)
Thanks babe :)
Amber: BtVS: B/A bite medreamsinvisible on July 31st, 2006 10:25 pm (UTC)
Wow. This is really good. I think maybe because you haven't seen all of Angel...it's really better this way. I never did like how the series ended, this is so much darker, angstier, and really what Angel was supposed to always be; at least in my mind.

So many part of this I loved.

I loved how Buffy seems so jaded when she sees the other couple in the airport.

I love this whole exchange...
“I’ll never love you,” he whispers in her ear, pressing a kiss on the sweat-dampened skin of her neck. Her face is pressed against his shoulder, his hand still tangled in her hair.

Like the thought of the plane crashing, hearing this is a relief. She smiles against the fabric of his shirt, smoothes her hands over his back in a mockery of affection. “I know.”


and then later when Angelus offers up a single nice gesture, she's almost disappointed. "She doesn’t want that. She wants Angelus, who’s fucking her but would probably like killing her just as much."

The ending is lovely as well. Really fits well with the portrayal of their relationship. As a hardcore BtVS/AtS fan for ages, I give you 2 thumbs up and think you did a way better job than I ever did writing in the Jossverse.
inathunderstorm on July 31st, 2006 10:29 pm (UTC)
Oh, wow! Thank you. I love Angelus, and I like Angel too--just not with Buffy (together they BORE ME to tears). So I wanted to write Buffy/Angelus as together after Season 7, because I could so see it. Of course, I'm only on season 1 of angel but I sort of wrote this AU.

Thank you, I *really* appreciate your nice words! I am always nervous writing in a new fandom, esp. one as large as BtVS. *g*

Amber: AtS: Wes/Faith Redemptiondreamsinvisible on July 31st, 2006 10:52 pm (UTC)
I'm not a fan of the Buffy/Angel stuff either. I laughed my ass off at the Buffy smackdown after Redemption in season 1 Angel. There's a scene in season three where Cordelia and Wesley act out the Buffy/Angel relationship and it's so funny. I can't wait until you see it! I promise I won't say anything else about later seasons.

Anyway, I'm a Wesley/Faith shipper and have been since season 1 Angel if that tells you anything about MY taste. I like those doomed-to-be-dark relationships. *nods*
Munchlette Belle: spikemunchlettebelle on July 31st, 2006 11:05 pm (UTC)
I reviewed this on FFN, and I still think it's wonderful!
inathunderstorm on July 31st, 2006 11:05 pm (UTC)
I got your review, and you are SO SWEET, thank you. *snuggles you madly*

Munchlette Belle: spikemunchlettebelle on August 2nd, 2006 02:23 am (UTC)
yay snuggles!
a2zmoma2zmom on July 31st, 2006 11:59 pm (UTC)
I really like this and I almost always hate Buffy/Angelus. (I've been burned by fluffy Angelus one too many times.) I really like that you don't explain how this came to be, and yet, here at least it seems inevitable. Both of them burnt out and no longer caring.
inathunderstorm on August 1st, 2006 12:07 am (UTC)
oh dear, my Angelus will never ever be fluffy, promise. *g* I like to keep things dark :)

I would love to explain how this came to be at some point, but that screams Multi-chap to me and omg, I must not do another until i finish one of the two I have. But after that...

I am very glad you liked it as is, though. I was hoping it could be read as a one-shot and believable even without all the backstory. Thank you very much for reading!!
I write: Bound by loveabsolut_jmo on August 1st, 2006 12:27 am (UTC)
I don't read a lot of Buffy fic, but I've watched it and Angel through the years and have a few seasons of both on DVD.

I really liked this. Your Buffy voice was very well done and you put them together in a way that is believable.

The couple in the airport was excellent. Sorry. You know how love is. My evil boyfriend needs to eat, too. Could hear it in my head, snark and all.

I look forward to more.
inathunderstorm on August 1st, 2006 12:31 am (UTC)
Thank you m'dear! Kazzie helped me with the Buffy voice and I am so glad it worked!!

Last night on my trip home, I sat next to this couple. I thought it would be nice to have Magneto around to wrap metal things around them and make them stop sucking face. The idea for the fic was born from my annoyance!

yay for evil boyfriends!

*is insane*
Bunneybunney on August 1st, 2006 01:18 am (UTC)
How I've missed reading Buffyfic! You've done a spectacular job, Sionn!

inathunderstorm on August 1st, 2006 01:31 am (UTC)
*beams*

Thank you! I'm really glad you liked it. I was tres nervous about it :)

*pets Angelus/Buffy* Theirloveissotwistedlyhot*
not crazy cause i take the right pills: jossverse ashley sour girl 1roguewords on August 1st, 2006 02:19 am (UTC)
Damn this is hot.

*purrs*
inathunderstorm on August 1st, 2006 02:20 am (UTC)
Thanks babe. Buffy/Angelus--theirloveissotwistedlyawesome.

*g*
what doesn't kill me better run: db: so so evilcarlyinrome on August 1st, 2006 03:24 am (UTC)

Oh, bless you.

This is very good. Your Buffy is well-realized, her motives, her actions, her thoughts. Your Angelus is pretty decent, too, and he's written badly by just about everybody. This is very, very hot. Just . . . gah. Thank you for writing this.

- Lamia

inathunderstorm on August 1st, 2006 03:27 am (UTC)
Thanks :) I am really pleased to hear that, as it's a new fandom for me so the voices are always difficult to nail. I do love Angelus/Buffy so, though, and I'm really happy the fic worked for you! Thanks so much reading and for the comment.

Angelic: buff&Angelangelic_nl on August 1st, 2006 10:00 am (UTC)
seen everything of Buffy &Angel... Loved the fic!
inathunderstorm on August 1st, 2006 01:28 pm (UTC)
yay thank you! I wasn't certain what happens in this fandom if one just writes from one storyline and not include the other. Glad that's okay! (I'm only on Season 1 of Angel. *g*)

Thanks for reading!
little_leannelittle_leanne on August 1st, 2006 04:00 pm (UTC)
i really enjoyed this, its a differnet approach on what I've read before. It's very well written.Wonderful job.

You can definitely add this to Reborn!

Glad to have you Sionnain.

I just need you to add it to the non archived section and then I'll create you a sub-board.
inathunderstorm on August 1st, 2006 04:01 pm (UTC)
Thank you!! *beams* I'm happy that you like it, and shall enjoy posting at your site yay!

Um, how do I do that? *giggles* I'm woefully inept with the board system thing. I'll go at once and try to figure it out!!

you all know me: Angel/Buffyladyoneill on August 1st, 2006 05:40 pm (UTC)
Loved this. It was just dark enough to hit me in all the right spots, and had that air of futility about it that I love about this relationship. And I could see it happening. This is how it always should go instead of them trying to kill each other.
inathunderstorm on August 1st, 2006 05:57 pm (UTC)
seriously! he should begrudgingly buy her juice, they should have hot sex, and secretly she should want him to eat annoying people. *g*

Thanks! I'm so very glad you liked it!!
st_aurafina: Evil Carlos 1602st_aurafina on August 6th, 2006 09:45 am (UTC)
Catching up on stuff, in reverse!
Oh, I'm reading backwards... okay! Still works for me.

I love the set up for this, and the way that Buffy's in that state that superheroes get into post-crisis, when they just don't care. It's scary to think of her in Angelus's hands in that kind of mindset, not that she couldn't kick his butt, just that she's kind of vulnerable. And he's an ass. It's all so still, and yet knife-edge tense. I love it.

I've never really dabbled in this fandom, though I've watched all of both series, and I really enjoyed reading this. Will look out for more.

Hmm. Must investigate icons... I don't have any for Buffy.
inathunderstorm on August 6th, 2006 02:36 pm (UTC)
Re: Catching up on stuff, in reverse!
If you made a Buffy/Angelus icon, would love you for forever! Your icons are so beautiful.

I haven't actually finished Angel, which is why this is just set Season 7 of Buffy. I could just see her after that season wanting something completely dark and scary to indulge in for a little while. Which I hope to write a long involved multi-chap of when I finish Angel, if that works :) If not, I'll stick with AtS-less season 7. It's weird because I just love this pairing after Season 7, but have no idea why. Ah, well.

Thank you for reading!! *beams*
Emma Grant: Buffy/Angelemmagrant01 on August 30th, 2006 04:11 pm (UTC)
He’s immortal, but she could kill him. He’s dead, but he could give her eternal life. Oh, irony.

*flails*

I'm just getting into this fandom, and I've been looking desperately for exactly this kind of dark, twisted Buffy/Angelus fic, and I've found nothing but schmoopy stuff I couldn't read. But this! This is exactly what I was looking for!

Love, love, love it!
inathunderstorm on August 30th, 2006 04:20 pm (UTC)
Yay, thank you! I have about three little Buffy/Angelus vignettes set in this little 'verse. I'm glad you like them, because I totally *adore* Buffy/Angelus (on the other hand, Buffy/Angel makes me want to scream and poke my eyes out with a toothpick)

I just recently watched Buffy for the first time myself. Have you watched the episode where Buffy and Angelus are re-enacting the lovestory of the ghosts haunting Sunnydale high? If so, it has my favorite moment from all seven seasons of the show (though I won't spoil you if you haven't seen it).

So, yes! Thank you very much for the comment, and I'm glad you liked the story :)

Emma Grant: Buffy/Angelemmagrant01 on August 30th, 2006 04:35 pm (UTC)
Yes, I've seen that one! I'm about halfway through season 3 right now, so I still have a ways to go before I'm done.

I'll make sure I go read the other ones when I have a chance! :-)
chrisleechrisleeoctaves on January 15th, 2007 01:25 am (UTC)
I've had this saved in my 'to read' file for quite some time...and I've finally gotten around to reading it. Now I'm sorry I waited so long. There's much to recommend this little fic- not the least of which is the way you assume a relationship between Buffy and Angel rather than trying to explain it- which I think could be extremely messy.

I loved this bit:
He doesn’t break the skin—it’s a rule they have—but sometimes she wants him to. Her fingers curl over his chest, where his heart should be, feeling nothing but emptiness beneath. He’s immortal, but she could kill him. He’s dead, but he could give her eternal life. Oh, irony.

“I’ll never love you,” he whispers in her ear, pressing a kiss on the sweat-dampened skin of her neck. Her face is pressed against his shoulder, his hand still tangled in her hair.

Like the thought of the plane crashing, hearing this is a relief. She smiles against the fabric of his shirt, smoothes her hands over his back in a mockery of affection. “I know.”


And I love the ways Buffy tries to rationalize this relationship- somewhat unsuccessfully. Ultimately, I think Angelus is right:

“It is what it is. Go to sleep.”

I really enjoyed this and would love to archive it at Sublime if you'll allow me.

inathunderstorm on January 15th, 2007 02:54 am (UTC)
Thank you! I've finally been watching Angel, so I realize this doesn't fit in well, but I have always loved Buffy/Angelus.

And of course you may archive! Thank you for reading and for commenting :D
chrisleechrisleeoctaves on January 15th, 2007 12:18 pm (UTC)
Do you have an e-mail address I can use for fb on the story? If you don't want to leave it here you can send it to me at octaves@rogers.com
Thanks!
inathunderstorm on January 15th, 2007 03:04 pm (UTC)
Sure thing! It's sionnainw [at] gmail [dot] com.

:D
Leni: BAus CS dress 02leni_ba on July 31st, 2010 11:21 pm (UTC)
How comes I haven't read this before? It's delicious. Like A2Z nd Chrislee mentioned, I like that it's happening with no regard to how it started. It's a done deal and they both work with it.

I absolutely adore that she's more unbalanced by the juice in the fridge than by wishing he'd cut skin with his fangs. And the 'Sorry. You know how love is. My evil boyfriend needs to eat, too.' just thrills me. because I can see a Buffy who's involved with Angelus thinking along those lines.

I must say, I love having missed this story for so long just so I can find it when my writing muse is in a coma. :)